


The Words We Cannot Say

by msraven



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not an Unhappy Ending, Sad-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 11:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msraven/pseuds/msraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you," Clint says, the words delivered simply and sincerely.</p>
<p>Phil's eyes go soft and surprised.  "I..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Words We Cannot Say

It's a normal day and Clint is never sure if that's what spurs him to do it. 

They're up in the pre-dawn hours, somehow managing not to get in each other's way as they get dressed. In between pulling on his t-shirt and grabbing his belt, Clint steps in front of Phil, halting his movements with a hand on the senior agent's chest.

"I love you," Clint says, the words delivered simply and sincerely.

Phil's eyes go soft and surprised. "I..."

Then there's a hand on the back of Clint's neck and he's being pulled forward for a soft, but thorough kiss. Phil's hand sneaks beneath Clint's shirt, a warm and familiar pressure against his skin. Clint is just beginning to think that they're going to be late for their shifts when Phil's phone rings. Phil looks like he wants to ignore it, but he doesn't and he gives Clint a final quick kiss before they go about their day.

It's not until Clint is settled in his perch high above the scientists that he realizes that Phil never said the words back.

.  
~^~

A year and two months later, when a dead man walks out of the elevator onto the common floor of Avengers Tower, Clint finally understands why.

Clint doesn't run and he doesn't collapse. He meets Coulson's gaze unflinchingly. Clint has already mourned, has already given all he can to the all-consuming guilt he felt after Loki. He has no emotion left to give this ghost that has re-appeared into his life. 

“Holy fuck...” Bruce whispers while everyone else just continues to stare in silence.

“You know,” Tony finally says. “I want to be pissed, but we really should have been expecting this from the beginning.”

The team looks around at each other and Clint continues to look at Phil.

“Was there something we can do for you, Agent Coulson?” Clint asks. He has no reason to sound like anything other than an Avenger and former SHIELD agent waiting for a new assignment.

Phil blinks once and then turns his attention to Steve. “We have uncovered what we think is the re-emergence of Hydra.”

Phil never attempts to speak with Clint alone and Clint does the same. They find the Hydra base and destroy it. Clint is focused and not at all distracted by Coulson’s voice in his ear during the mission, but it doesn’t save him from being injured.

Clint is already half asleep from the pain meds when Phil walks into his hospital room. He looks down at where Steve has a hold of Clint’s hand and doesn’t say a word. Clint doesn’t correct him.

.  
~^~

Clint tries to let Steve down easy, tries to tell him that the part of his heart Steve wants no longer exists.

“Maybe I’m just not the right person to help you find it again,” Steve says, face unbearably sad.

Clint closes his eyes and kisses Steve. Nothing changes.

.  
~^~

It’s another six months before they work with Coulson again. They find and recover Bucky Barnes. Tony complains that their lives are turning into a zombie flick, but he smiles as they watch Steve and Bucky reunite.

Clint thinks he should be envious. He’s not.

.  
~^~

Phil finds him on the roof of an apartment building they had once thought about living in. Clint doesn’t know why either of them are there.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be capable of loving you the way you deserve,” Phil says. “But I know that the only time my life has felt worth living was when you were in it.”

It’s far from a normal day. They’re standing on an unfamiliar roof and the sun is just starting to set behind the New York skyline. Phil’s hand feels like a stranger’s as it slips behind Clint’s neck and pulls him closer until their foreheads touch. Phil’s phone rings, but he ignores it. 

Clint no longer wants to feel like his heart stopped beating back in Pegasus.

“Then I’ll have to love you enough for the both of us.”

_fin_


End file.
